I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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