just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize