oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
