If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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