So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
