is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
