im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
