Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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