she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
