the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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