It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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