Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
