Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
