how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
