i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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