"it" just moved
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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