The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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