M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We left an ass print on the piano.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
