She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
