Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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