she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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