And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
