Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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