none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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