i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
