I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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