I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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