i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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