On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
