I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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