so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
