i don't like sucking hair
she woke up with a sticky ear
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
