my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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