My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
