My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
