You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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