Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
