So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
