I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
