You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
