when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
