Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
