so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
