Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
