We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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