Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
