Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
