Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
