I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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