Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
