I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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