at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize