look no pants
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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