I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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