if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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