drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
