Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
