I showed him my bush... on skype.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
