i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize