The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize