Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
