Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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