Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
