we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
