worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
