How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize