now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my liver is dry heaving
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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