so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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