He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
