Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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