have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
