his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
